Sometimes Williams calls a story big or characterizes it another way: “And we begin here tonight with an awful story to have to tell you about.” (Dec. 5, 2007.) A sniper in Omaha had shot eight people dead, then killed himself. But Williams didn’t have to tell us. Williams also called that news “devastating.” Viewers don’t need help from an anchor to realize that the story is awful.

“And we begin here tonight….” Why not begin with the news? An anchor doesn’t need to say he’s starting. After all, as soon as he starts moving his lips, viewers know he’s starting. And where else but here? No need for tonight: viewers already know they’re watching him tonight.

Some of Williams’s closings are also odd: “Well, it could be an interesting night out of South Carolina.” (Jan. 26.) Interesting night out of South Carolina? Where do people talk that way?

The importance of examining every word in a script is pointed up in a joke told by Harold Evans in Newsman’s English:

A London fishmonger had a sign that said: FRESH FISH SOLD HERE. A friend persuaded him to rub out the word FRESH; he was expected to sell fish that’s fresh. Then the friend persuaded him to rub out HERE; he was selling it there in his shop. Then the friend urged him to rub out SOLD; he isn’t giving give it away.

Finally, the friend persuaded him to rub out FISH; you can smell it a mile off. But you shouldn’t be able to say that about network newswriting,

© Mervin Block 2008

Mervin offers more writing tips at mervinblock.com. And still more in Writing Broadcast News—Shorter, Sharper, Stronger.

By MERVIN BLOCK
Mar. 6, 2008

Brian Williams already stands out in this year of the Olympics: He set a record, apparently, in the men’s singles, free-style, indoor competition for tossing around the word tonight.

In one sentence, he used tonight four times. In the first 33 words of a 53-word sentence on NBC Nightly News of Jan. 24, he said, “We have a crowded broadcast tonight from our backdrop here tonight, as Tim Russert and I prepare for tonight’s GOP presidential debate, to medical news on ovarian cancer, to our lead story tonight….” And, in a show of stamina, he again said tonight in each of his next two sentences.

But history-making events are not unusual on Nightly News. About once a month, on average, Williams, the anchor and managing editor, describes an event as historic, or history making, or a history-maker.

Williams likes history enough to use it twice in one sentence: “The Iowa caucuses [the day before] are history, and no matter where the race goes from here, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee are now in the history books as the winners.” (Jan. 4.) Now in the history books? Any publishers who could bring out a history book that fast—in less than 24 hours—would be history-makers.

Several nights later, Williams said, “Good evening from Manchester, New Hampshire, where the primary here tonight will go into the history books.” (Jan. 8.) The primary here tonight? The primary lasted all day. People were still voting, the polls hadn’t closed, the votes hadn’t even been counted yet. Will go into the history books? Who knows?

As for the term history-maker, it’s a cringe-maker: “And, Tim, on this next and final question about how people plan to vote, I know the answer is also a history-maker.” (Oct. 18, 2006.) Huh?

And “It [a hurricane] hit that coastline as Category 5, as strong as they get, a history-maker, the strongest storm there in two decades [better: 20 years].” (Aug. 21, 2007.)

Historians are the ones who decide what makes history, and they don’t do it every day at 6:30 p.m., ET. Besides, as a sage once said, “History is yesterday’s news.”

After a beagle was the first of its breed chosen top dog at the Westminster Kennel Club Show, Williams wrapped up the story by saying, “And in this exciting election year for all of us humans, this made dog history last night at Madison Square Garden.” (Feb. 13.) Dog history? Here’s a dog mystery: Williams called the winning dog proud, noble and very happy. Proud? Noble? Bah, humbug!

They say history repeats itself. Well, on Nightly News, history-making can also repeat itself. Williams introduced a correspondent by saying, in part, “The U-S Supreme Court today ended its 2007 term with a history-making ruling,” (June 28.) After the correspondent reported the ruling, Brian Williams said, “All right, Pete Williams, who was in the chamber today for what will go down as this history- making decision of the Supreme Court for us tonight.” Why all right? Why for us? Was the decision for us? Was Pete Williams at the Court for us? Or what?

Not only does Brian Williams use tonight too often, but he also puts it in the wrong place often: “And the White House has just tonight announced the president will travel to the Middle East in January.” (Dec. 4.) Has just tonight announced? Doesn’t sound conversational—or English. Psst: In December, we refer to January as next month.

One goal newswriters should have is to make their writing conversational, and in conversation we don’t put the time element (today, tonight, tomorrow) before the verb. We wouldn’t tell someone, “Let’s tonight go to a movie.” Or “I’m tomorrow going bowling.”

Another oddity: Williams told Ann Curry, “You had to know while you were there touching those children, recording these pictures, that this work would be impactful around the world.” (Nov. 19.) Impactful? Brian Garner, a leading expert on English, says in Garner’s Modern American Usage that impactful is “barbarous.” Garner also says, “Whatever its future may be, impactful is, for now, a word to be scorned.” (When Ann Curry sat in for Williams on Aug. 8, she said, “You’re looking at just one glimpse of the damage….” A glimpse is “a brief, incomplete view or look.” So no one can look at a glimpse, not even glimpse a glimpse.)

Also to be scorned by newscasters is the labeling of stories as great–or anything else. Yet, sometimes Williams calls a story great: “There is a great story to go with every veteran….” (Feb. 17, 2006.) Every veteran? Deserters? Vets given dishonorable discharges? Vets in the so-called Greatest Generation who served honorably but did nothing interesting or outstanding?

Whenever I hear Williams call a story great, I wonder about all the stories he doesn’t call great. Does he regard them as just so-so? Or substandard? And I wonder whether the correspondents on the ungreat stories should start polishing their résumés—and praying.

Besides calling a story great“You’re about to see and hear a powerful piece of reporting.” (Nov. 29.) But he has said that only once. Which raises questions about the work of all the other NBC News reporters.