By MERVIN BLOCK
February 2007

Word news about World News: An ABC News correspondent reported from Hanoi, "The President was greeted as a friend of Vietnam today, promoting capitalism and trade in a country which fell to communism in 1975." (ABC's World News, Nov. 17, 2006.)

Vietnam did not fall to communism in 1975. After the communist Viet Minh defeated French troops at Dien Bien Phu in 1954, the former French colony was partitioned into two countries. The North became communist, the South became non-communist. In 1975, North Vietnam conquered South Vietnam, and since then Vietnam has been one country—and under communist rule.

Also: the participial phrase "promoting capitalism…" should be closer to the subject it modifies, President. But that would separate President from was greeted. Needs rewriting. And which should be that.

Let's look at more ABC World News scripts that fell flat, fell down or fell apart. The anchor, Charles Gibson, said: "Good evening. The U-S mission in Afghanistan, fighting terrorist elements in that country, often takes second billing to Iraq. [Second billing to Iraq or to the U.S. mission in Iraq?] But tonight, there are significant developments there. [There where? And there twice?] Four U-S soldiers have died in Afghanistan today." (June 22, 2006.)

The shift of time—from night in the second sentence to day in the third--seems odd. The second sentence speaks of significant developments tonight, but the next sentence tells of the four deaths today. In fact, more than 11 hours before World News went on the air that night, ABC's Good Morning America reported correctly that the deaths had occurred the day before.

Also: terrorist elements = terrorists. Delete in that country; the anchor had mentioned only one country. Further, when you use the present perfect tense (have died), you don't use today. Better: "were killed."

Gibson made another abrupt shift from tonight to today:

"Good evening. We will get to our headline stories in a moment, but there is late news breaking in Washington tonight that could have enormous political implications. There is word today that Senator Tim Johnson, a Democrat from South Dakota, has suffered a stroke…." (Dec. 13, 2006.)

Late news breaking? The story broke at least two and a half hours earlier. NBC's Nightly News called it a developing story. CBS's Evening News told the story without breaking or developing.

At 4 p.m. that day, Sen. Johnson's office announced his hospitalization. The AP and Reuters moved stories within minutes. And CNN broadcast the news shortly after 4 p.m.

As soon as stories break, they start developing. Aren't stories about Iraq, global warming, U.S.-China trade and many more still developing?

A persistent problem in leads: there is. It's a dead phrase. When used in an opening sentence, it should almost always be deleted. Is conveys no action; it just is.

More World News excerpts:

"There is a new study out today that indicates those under 18 years of age could lose weight just by getting more sleep." (Feb. 7, 2007.) Delete there is. Better: "A new study says…."

"There is not a prescription drug in your medicine cabinet that hasn't been reviewed and approved by the F-D-A. But tonight there are troubling questions about how well the F-D-A is doing its job…." (Sept. 22, 2006.) The double negative in the first sentence is a no-no. Strunk and White tell us in their Elements of Style to put our statements in a positive form.

Better: "Every prescription drug in your medicine cabinet has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration. But a new report about the F-D-A raises troubling questions." Still better: "A new report says the Food and Drug Administration is sick and needs some strong medicine."

"There are more politicians taking preliminary steps toward running for president." (Nov. 13, 2006.) That's easy to fix. Delete there are: "More politicians are taking preliminary steps to running for president."

"Federal health officials say tonight that lettuce was the most likely cause of the E. coli outbreak linked to Taco Bell restaurants." (Dec. 13, 2006.) The key word in that sentence is lettuce. That's said to be the likely cause of the outbreak. But in the script, lettuce is mired in the middle. That's no place for a word that should be spotlighted. The best way to do that is to follow a rule set down by Strunk and White: "The proper place in the sentence for the word or group of words that the writer desires to make most prominent is usually the end." Now let's apply the rule to the faulty script: "Federal officials say the most likely cause of the E-coli outbreak at Taco Bell restaurants was lettuce."

Several more tips on writing and language, also inspired by World News scripts:

"A war of words broke out on the day after President Bush unveiled his newest plan to stabilize Iraq." (Jan. 11, 2007.) War of words is a cliché. The English poet Alexander Pope (not to be confused with Pope Alexander) used that metaphor in 1725. Can you imagine how many times war of words has been used in 282 years? It's long past the time for a ceasefire.
George Orwell said long ago: "Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print."
He also said:

• Never use a long word where a short one will do.
• If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
• Never use the passive where you can use the active.
• Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
• Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

Back to World News: "Later today, St. Margaret's will open its door to the public for viewing as Ford's casket lies in repose…." (Dec. 29, 2006.) A coffin doesn't lie in repose. The deceased does.

"The priest and the nun who had to choose between their love for God and one another." (Feb. 6, 2007.) That headline needs repair. Two persons love each other, not one another. More than two love one another.

"Our Phoenix affiliate, K-N-X-V, first broke this story." (June 19, 2006.) First broke is redundant. If a reporter is the first to report it, she's credited with breaking it.

"He came under fire from some fellow evangelicals who objected to one of his invited guests." (Dec. 1, 2006.) Invited guests is a redundancy. A guest is someone who has been invited.

"Joe Lieberman, the powerful senator and former vice presidential candidate from the state of Connecticut has been defeated…." (Aug. 9, 2006.) Connecticut is a state, so delete the state of.

"As this month draws to a close, we note that 70 U-S troops have been killed in Iraq during the month of April." (April 28, 2006.) April is a month, so delete the month of.

"And, believe it or not, this school is set to reopen in two weeks' time." (Jan. 25, 2007.) A week is a measure of time, so delete time.

"Starting Monday, the Democratic Congress plans to closely scrutinize the President's 2008 budget." (Feb. 3, 2007.) Closely scrutinze is a redundancy. Scrutinize means "to examine closely."

More wasted words on World News:

"And in San Francisco, in domestic news today, one of the most highly anticipated product rollouts in memory…." (Jan. 9, 2007.) Telling listeners that a story from San Francisco is domestic news is a big help. Duh. Better: "A long-awaited product was introduced today in San Francisco." Better yet: "Apple has introduced its remarkable i-Phone."

"Some news tonight for computer users." (Jan. 29, 2007.) For viewers who aren't users, isn't that a turnoff?

"Weather next. Cold, cold weather. The freeze that we've talked about…." (Feb. 7, 2007.) And "Political news next. Another day, another entry in the presidential race. Delaware Senator Joe Biden is the ninth Democrat to jump into the candidate pool. But tonight he might be wishing for a do-over…." (Jan. 31, 2007.) Why waste time labeling stories? The category is obvious.

"Ford convinces almost half its labor force to take a buyout." (Nov. 29, 2006.) The Associated Press Stylebook says: "You may be convinced that something or of something. You must be persuaded to do something." Bill Walsh, copy desk chief of the Washington Post's business desk, sums it up, "Persuade involves action, convince involves thought."

Spelling, too, is a problem on World News. A business columnist for the New York Times, Joe Nocera, was identified in a super as "Joe Nocero." And someone else was ID'd that night (Jan. 3, 2007) as a "dietician." Correct: dietitian. Another night, World News labeled a man on the screen as a "Prof Emiritis." (Jan. 23, 2007.) Correct: "emeritus." And yes, Prof needed to be followed by a period, which is the way we treat abbreviations.

All of which illustrate the point that presenting news well is not so simple as ABC.